Life is starting to really be shitty lately. It's only because I lost the best friend I'd ever had all in the course of a few minutes. One second we were on the phone, and the next thing I know I can't hear him. That was the last time I've talked to him since he went into bootcamp. Goodness. I act like he's dead or something. Well, no, I guess I don't. If he was dead I'd probably move on or something, but that's not an option here. Not that I want it to be an option. Ugh. It just sucks being stuck at home every single night without any choice on the matter.
Of all the times for everything to happen when it did, why did it have to be right now? I absolutely hate it. I'll be honest with you here. I have lots of people I get along with, but when it comes down to people I hang out with, I've lost some of my closer friends. The ones I'm still close with can't drive. Since I live in the middle of nowhere, we don't have public transportation so we're all stuck at home. So this isn't just be missing my boyfriend. It's me missing out on everything an 18-year-old high school senior should be doing. I'm not going to some awesome college, I'll do community and follow B wherever he goes with the military. That may sound stupid to some of you, but it's my life & I didn't have much planned anyway. I wanted to travel a lot, but he'll probably only go for 4 years; after those four years, we can travel. Hell, if he goes career, we'll be travelling anyway ahaha.
I don't have any siblings, I don't have any family members who I actually want to hang with around here, I pretty much have nobody to fall back on. He's my best friend. He's the person I think of every night before I fall asleep and who I wish was there for me to wake up to. He's the one person who gets all my jokes, gay or not. And if they are gay, he still laughs and calls me a nerd, but it's okay because I know he laughed at me for being so excited by such a stupid thing. The way he looks at me when I'm being a goober is one of complete awe, like I'm doing something amazing. We sing Tenacious D together in the car, horribly and out of tune. Whenever I feel absolutely horrible, he's the one to hug me and call me beautiful, no matter how many times he has to do it. B is willing to do absolutely anything for me, be it making a sandwich because I'm too damn lazy or shoveling 4 feet of snow so I can go home. (Or, ya know, walking 8 miles to see me).
All I know is that April 23 can't come fast enough. I wish to God that I had my car. I'm glad to have my life in the event that happened, don't get me wrong. Right now, I'm unable to work because I have no way to get there. I had plans for when B was leaving. I was gonna work all the time & go to the gym. Now I can't. Every single thing I had planned out turned to absolute shit.
At least we won't.
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